Written by swingers, for swingers

Assuming they ever existed, long gone are the days when those engaged in wife swapping would throw their car keys into the middle of a table to partake in a spousal tombola. These days 'swinging' as it is commonly referred to, has evolved into a lifestyle that is becoming increasingly popular. Nevertheless the myths persist, and 'the lifestyle' is frequently the topic of ribald jokes and innuendo, and is often portrayed as a seedy pastime patronized by men in dirty raincoats ready to swap their subservient and sexually nieve wives for a few minutes of groping in a darkened room with something a little more outrageous than the missionary position missus. Nothing could be further from the truth, and perhaps it time to 'set the record straight' and to open up the world of 'the lifestyle' through the observations of the participants. In reality it is complex way of life with rules, regulations, codes and language and hopefully the following may answer some of your questions and assist you in your adventures.

Well as the old age says, it takes all sorts, and therefore you can expect to see couples and singles, straight, bisexual or a mixture of both, from their early 20s into their late 50s from all walks of life on this site. You might ask why they do it? Well ask yourselves what you are hoping to get out of it. In a word, its fun. No doubt there are some people looking for long term partners however for the most part they are not. This is a dating agency with a difference. People here tend to be either in a long term relationship or else see it as a way to have sexual encounters with friendly people without the emotional attachment of a relationship. Additionally others do it as an extra curricular marital activity without the knowledge of their partners. The reasons are as varied as those participating. However everyone tends to separate out their lifestyle from the rest of their activities seeing it as a source of fun bringing a new dimension to their lives. It has been said that swinging is often a liberating experience, where you can be what you want to be, do what you want to do, and not be ashamed or embarrassed about your behaviour. Essentially it is a lifestyle of choice.

As you have now found the site, you obviously have some idea of what is involved, however people participate to different degrees and the way in which they participate will also vary.

Soft swing: caressing and/or oral sex
Full swap: partners swap for full penetrative sex

Additionally participants may want same room or separate room sex, some will allow kissing while others may not. Some may want the women to have sex with each other whilst the men look on, culminating in the women having sex with their own partners. Furthermore you may have threesomes or any combinations of straight, bi curious or bi sexual adults all having fun at the same time.

As far as safe sex goes, this again is personal choice although all of us should now be aware of the dangers of ignoring the warnings of sexually transmitted diseases. It seems however that even full sex is sometimes conducted without the use of condoms, the man withdrawing on the point of ejaculation. In the end though it is up to you how often you swing, and what you arrange or agree to, although you should always define your boundaries with people you are going to meet at the earliest opportunity.

You might also be interested in fetishism which most clubs cater for on special nights, bukakke (the spelling may vary, but in its simplistic form is where a person allows several males to ejaculate all over them), and dogging (where couples will go to an outdoor area in their car and invite people to watch them having sex). You will be always be able to find adults of a similar persuasion on this site whatever your particular interest is.

The lifestyle also offers wonderful opportunities to broaden your social circle. It is not always the case that people meet up to have sex, frequently they meet on a social basis as you can meet others who share your interests and with whom you can simply be yourself, without having to be careful what you talk about for fear of embarrassment.

You could take out an advertisement in your local newspaper or post flyers through your neighbours' letter boxes, however the easiest way is through a site such as this. You can search for other couples fitting your criteria and they in turn may contact you. However take time compiling your profile and be clear about what you are looking for. Additionally its worth noting that many people will not entertain those without photographs. They do not have to be pornographic, but faces and body shots are perfectly acceptable, and if you are wary of putting your faces on just remember that only full members can view them.

Of course you could advertise through swingdate or go to a private party (both available on site pages), however the simplest method appears to be chatting online. This is where you are able to have a chat and a laugh with people, fix dates, and generally mull over any topic you wish to discuss. It has a family feel to it, and members tend to be very helpful and supportive to both old and new patrons.

Another way of meeting new people is at a swinging club, of which there are several dotted around the country. They vary in terms of price, style, size and facilities although for the most part they have a sitting area, Jacuzzi, sauna, steam room, group rooms and private rooms. You may be able to buy alcohol on the premises but frequently they are not licensed for this so you take your own. You pay a yearly membership fee and then an entry fee each time you go. You might find it easier to go with, or arrange to meet another couple at the club. This is a great way of being part of things without feeling overwhelmed by it all. But what happens at these clubs? Well some people stayed clothed all evening, some don't, some will have sex some may not, it really is up to you, and the golden rule of each club is 'no means no', so don't ever feel that you may get yourself into a situation that you don't want to. Any rule breakers will be immediately ejected from the club. If you want to know about clubs in your area, members in the chat room will be more than willing to share their experiences of them with you.

There are very few if any written rules although the most commonly recognized ones are that no means no, and that nothing is done without the full consent of all parties involved. There are however several codes of behaviour and although regular swingers may disagree with some of those listed below, or indeed wish to add their own, it has been my observation that these are the most fundamental ground rules:

• Although I shouldn't have to mention it I feel I ought to, personal hygiene is of the utmost importance. Additionally take care with your appearance and never wear trainers and jeans to a club.
• Couples are exactly that, and therefore do not ignore the other partner, and be aware that it is the women who appear to control the swinging scene. It is certainly dominated by couples but women have the final say on meets and what happens at them.
• Be polite, for the most part the chat room is a supportive atmosphere where all manner of things can be discussed. Chats tend to cover all topics, not just swinging and sex, and the banter, although frequently loaded with sexual innuendo, is rarely anything more than that. It is unusual to find someone talking in a sexually explicit manner in the open room. Additionally the use of bad language appears to be kept to a minimum, and character assassinations or personal attacks are never tolerated.
• If you want to talk intimately to someone, you can do this privately in the chat room. Simply double click on their names on the right hand side and you can begin chatting. A word of warning though, never private anyone without asking their permission first, it is considered extremely rude.
• Be polite number 2, if you are not interested in someone who approaches you, there are ways and means of declining. This is usually done with grace, and ignoring their messages is inappropriate. You would expect a reply to yours even if it was in the negative. There is no need to go into a protracted explanation of why you are not attracted to them, a simple 'thank you but we will have to decline your invitation' is sufficient.
• Be tolerant of others, their choices and their practices. However much you disagree with what they do we are not there to judge others.
• Respect people's privacy and desire for anonymity.
• Be safe, particularly if you are meeting someone or a couple on your own. Tips are also given on this site on the subject.
• Turn up!! We all have last minute problems, but you should always check before leaving for a meet that the other person/people can meet you, and if for some reason you can't make it, tell the others immediately. If you change your mind, that's okay, but be honest.
• Be polite number 3, if you meet people and decide that they are not for you, tell them, but again be polite about it. Do not simply run away, nor should you ever go through with things because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

Well there are always the obvious sexual encounters which are not only interesting but which may also fulfill your innermost desires, nevertheless you may be anxious to know how to behave, what to wear, how to get from a social situation into a sexual one, etc. No one can give you the definitive answers unfortunately, all we can do is share our own experiences. Remember though that communication is essential. Talk things through with your partner or someone you can trust if you are single. What do you want to get out of this? How will you feel seeing your partner with someone else? Is there anything that is taboo to you? How far do you want to go? How often do you want to swing?

Make sure you inform any other party of your boundaries, but please don't change them at the last minute. There is nothing more frustrating than to expect a full swap only to be informed that the others have decided not to until 6 months down the line but have failed to inform you of this. No one should ever make you do something you don't want to, so ensure that you communicate not only with your own partner should you have one, but the other parties involved, and go at your own pace. People will respect this...as long as you tell them. Of course you may also want to discuss the finer points of your meet, and this should be possible too, but it may not always be possible to plan things like a military operation...the element of spontaneity is wonderful. It may also be good practice for you and your partner to develop a code so that each one knows if the other becomes uncomfortable, or is unsure of the situation, but be aware that no matter how much you plan things, they may not go accordingly. You may encounter time wasters, people who are not comfortable with the whole scene and yet are doing it out of loyalty to their partners, and those who look nothing like their photographs, but you will also meet some interesting new people who will broaden your horizons.

If you are a male you may be having some concerns about your performance on the night. Difficulties in obtaining and maintaining an erection, and ejaculating are commonplace in new swingers, and are related to your levels of stress in the situation, and the inclination to take too much 'Dutch courage' prior to proceedings. So do not despair if this happens to you...the best course of action is to reduce your alcohol consumption and resort to humour!

We are all going to have some insecurities about our bodies, but you just have to remember that we are all normal people not glamour models, and people will accept you for what you are.

And perhaps something that we all think about...jealousy. It would be nieve to think this never occurs, and yes, you may be one of the rare people whose relationship subsequently breaks down. But, and this is a big BUT, those that do breakdown are in the minority and were probably experiencing difficulties before. It is a sad fact of life that relationships do end because one partner has found someone else, however they can do so without swinging being involved at all. Many couples actually feel less concerned about one or the other of them having an affair, simply because there is no need to, they can do it with the full consent of their partner. Again the key here is communication...talk before and after.

Finally though, have fun. Enjoy your experiences and make sure you have a well developed sense of humour...it will come in handy!

submitted by: member who wishes to remain anonymous.
Edited: No